"No Tears" Techniques: Just as some parents and experts believe that it is harmless to allow an older baby to cry for set periods of time, others prefer sleep-training methods that gradually teach the baby to fall asleep without Mom or Dad’s help. For example, one "no tears" method involves sitting in a chair next to the crib while the baby falls asleep, and then, each night, moving the chair farther from the crib until it's in the doorway—and then, finally, outside the room.
All sleep-training methods have pros and cons, says Vanessa Vance, a child-sleep consultant in Austin, Texas, so it’s important to suss out which one is best for you. “When I work with a family, we discuss what their needs and goals are. Some families may not want any crying, so a gradual approach may work best,” she says. Here, an overview of some of the most popular sleep-training methods:
West says once an infant is older than 3 or 4 months, habits like rocking, singing, or nursing her until she dozes off become "sleep crutches." "These are not negative or bad behaviors," says West, "but they become a problem when they're so closely linked in the child's mind with slumber that he cannot drift off without them." Continuing with these sleep crutches will mean every time your baby wakes up (multiple times throughout the night), she'll need you to rock, sing, or nurse her—but your goal is to teach her to self-soothe and put herself back to sleep.
Thank you for checking out The Baby Sleep Site! I’m sorry to hear you’re having so much trouble with sleep. Based on your comment, it does sound like your little one might be coming into the 4 month sleep regression. We have an article with a lot of information on that here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/4-month-sleep-regression/
• Having trouble? A consultant can help. Sleep consultants and coaches familiar with different sleep-training methods can answer questions, troubleshoot problems and help you find a method that works with your family. But before you enlist the aid of a sleep coach (whose services can range from a phone consultation to an overnight analysis at your house), look into their qualifications. There’s no national governing body for sleep coaching, but there are various programs that provide certification. For example, the Family Sleep Institute is a national training program; Gentle Sleep Coaches, led by Kim West, is another. Before you commit, find out about the coach’s training and credentials, and ask for referrals and experiences from past clients.
Simply put, sleep training—also called sleep teaching or sleep learning—is the process of helping your infant learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep. It’s also become a pretty controversial topic, with experts and parents speaking for or against various sleep-training techniques. “It’s like talking politics,” says TJ Gold, MD, a pediatrician at Tribeca Pediatrics in New York City. “But there’s no one right way to get your child to sleep through the night. There are a lot of different ways.”
One common misconception about sleep training babies (also called sleep coaching) is that there’s only one way to do it. But this could not be further from the truth! In reality, there are a number of ways many parents can work to help their babies develop healthy sleep habits and stop waking up in the middle of the night or taking short naps. Some methods involve crying, but others involve little to no tears and are very gentle.
That’s right! Your baby of course needs to be ready - but before they are, YOU need to be ready too. Sleep training requires a commitment from parents. You’ll also want to be sure you’re logistically ready for sleep training, as it’s best to start when you don’t have anything that might disrupt the training coming in the near future, such as a vacation or trip.
Before you start any sleep-training method, make sure all the necessary people are on board. Talk to your pediatrician to rule out any underlying medical condition, such as reflux or GERD, sleep apnea, or allergies, that may be keeping your child awake at night. Then make sure you and your partner are on the same page; plan together how you'll react to wakings at given times. If your 10-month-old is nursing six times a night, both of you must agree that you'll feed him once before bed, then not again until morning.
“I knew I didn’t want to sleep train, so I co-slept with my son until he was about 5 months old,” says Corinna, a mom of two. “At 5 months, I was able to put him in a room on his own, but I would attend to him if he cried. By 10 months, he was sleeping through the night on his own. Maybe I was lucky, but I felt like what worked best for our family was following his lead.”
The most well known cry it out technique is the one developed by pediatrician Richard Ferber, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children's Hospital Boston. Ferber says that in order to fall asleep on their own and sleep through the night, babies have to learn to soothe themselves. Ferber believes that teaching a baby to soothe himself may involve leaving him alone to cry for prescribed periods of time.
"There are good times to sleep-train and periods when it may be less likely to work," says developmental psychologist Isabela Granic, Ph.D., coauthor of Bed Timing: The 'When-To' Guide to Helping Your Child to Sleep. "This is because infants and toddlers go through mental growth spurts that make them especially clingy, fussy, and prone to night wakings. They're learning new cognitive skills and often don't sleep as well."
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It might be strange to think of sleeping as a skill that does not come naturally. As a new parent, you’re probably so exhausted that you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow. Your baby, however, doesn’t have this same ability yet. Although they spend a lot of time sleeping, they need to learn when to sleep (day vs. night) and how to sleep. Until they do, they need your assistance, which is why you (as you should) help soothe them to sleep at bedtime and comfort them when they wake in the middle of the night. Sleep training is teaching your baby how to sleep without any help from you - just like you’re able to fall asleep without anyone there to help you do it.
"I tried Tracy Hogg's approach: Don't leave the baby to cry! Instead, when he starts up, go in there, pick him up, and love him until he stops. Once he's calm, lay him back down. If he starts crying again, repeat. Eventually he'll know it's time to sleep. Hogg said she had to do it 126 times with one child, but it dropped to 30 the next night, four the next, and soon she didn't have to do it at all. I tried this with my 3-month-old and it worked like a charm!"
First, let us introduce you to Melissa, mom of 6 month old Theo (@mohrlivingmama on Instagram). After struggling with sleep training, Melissa offered to share her personal story and best tips for other moms thinking of giving sleep training a try. Since it's always most helpful to hear from a mom who's been there, throughout our Sleep Training Guide Melissa will be sharing what worked for her and her son during sleep training.
This is considered a ‘cry’ method of sleep training. This technique entails allowing your baby to cry while checking on him at intervals. The goal here is to reassure him every so often that you are nearby and to reassure yourself that he is okay. When you go to check on your baby, you are not “supposed” to pick him up nor engage him much, but simply reassure him using your voice and a loving pat for 2-3 minutes, tops (watch the clock!). With this sleep training method, the goal is NOT to help baby fall asleep – that is what he is learning to do on his own! Instead, the idea is that he falls asleep on his own, in the same “environment” in which he will awaken periodically throughout the night. The knowledge of how to fall asleep unassisted at bedtime will pave the way for him/her to go BACK to sleep throughout the night. Over time, you gradually increase the amount of time between your ‘checks’. See a more detailed step-by-step explanation of this method here: The Ferber Method
Thanks for the articule. I’ve bien searching around so desperately for something that can help my 14 mo girl. My girl doesn’t sleep thru the night and also doesn’t fall asleep on her crib. If I lay her in bed she moves around until she falls asleep, but if I try the same in bed she cries and scream so hard and so long (she has a strong temper). Would like to try a gentle method but they seem to be suited for little babies, not this age.
Sleep experts who support the cry it out approach (as well as most pediatricians) disagree. They say it isn't traumatic for babies to cry alone for short periods of time with frequent check-ins by Mom or Dad – and the end result is a well-rested, happier child. They say no tears sleep strategies may cause babies to be overly dependent on comfort from a parent at bedtime, making it harder for them to learn to soothe themselves to sleep.
There’s also no need to institute a regimented cry-it-out plan if what you’re currently doing is working for your family. But good sleep habits never hurt, and being able to fall asleep on one’s own is a necessary life skill. If you sleep-train at a time that’s developmentally appropriate for your baby and with the basic ingredients of healthy sleep in place, you can minimize the amount of crying your baby (and, let’s face it, you) will do.