That said, sleep training isn’t a must-do for everyone, and many families who skip sleep training go on to have a child who learns to sleep through the night on her own. “It’s your family and your child, and I think there’s a misconception that pediatricians will force sleep training on your family, when that’s not the case,” Gold says. Experts emphasize that the best approach to sleep training is the one that fits your family.
• Ferber method. Also known as timed-interval sleep training, modified sleep training or graduated extinction sleep training, parents using this method put baby down to sleep even if he’s crying, then return to check on him at different time intervals —every five, 10 and 15 minutes, and so on. You don’t pick baby up during these checks but can verbally soothe or pat him. Gradually, the intervals will get longer until eventually baby is sleeping through the night. “We did Ferber once my son was 8 months old. He got the hang of it pretty quickly and has been sleeping on his own for 10 to 12 hours ever since,” says Anika, a mom of one.
We’re so sorry to hear your baby will only sleep in your arms, since of course this is not sustainable for you or safe. Happiest Baby invented SNOO to solve parenting struggles, just like this one, for which no good solution previously existed. For example, many babies prefer to sleep on their parents bodies because the parent’s rocking helps lull them to sleep. However it’s unsafe for babies to sleep on their parents’ bodies all night. A good, safe solution to this problem did not exist…until SNOO. As a part our mission to help parents keep their babies safe and healthy…we want to offer SNOO as a helpful way to avoid a baby sleeping on you all night.
"As a last resort, I broke down and gave Ferber a try. It's been two and a half weeks, and I see no real improvement. My daughter goes down faster at night, but the crying breaks my heart. I miss snuggling with her. She still wakes up every 30 to 90 minutes after her first two-hour stretch. She shrieks when it's time for a nap. I broke down and nursed her to sleep for her afternoon nap because I couldn't stand to see her so exhausted."
Effective sleep-training tactics vary by family and even from one child to another. If crying it out hasn't stopped your baby's nighttime wakings, or simply isn't your style, there are no-cry sleep-training options. We spoke with Kim West, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Baby Go to Sleep and for tips on how to implement her "Sleep Lady Shuffle"—a gentle method of "teaching your child how to fall asleep on his own in a secure environment." And while West says some fussing is to be expected early on, her method doesn't involve shutting the door to your baby's room and leaving him to cry hysterically. Follow these steps to better snoozing in just a few weeks.
"The more practice your baby gets putting himself to sleep, the quicker the process works. He will fall asleep on his own, and you will get the sleep you need...Don't wait too long, though. The earlier, the better. Remember, once your baby gets older – that is, at least 5 or 6 months – the process of getting your child on a sleep schedule and to sleep through the night gets more difficult."
Sleep training is a loaded phrase, and one that is often used synonymously with letting your baby self-soothe, or “cry it out,” but that’s not the whole picture, says Alanna McGinn, a certified sleep consultant and the founder of Good Night Sleep Site. “It’s more about being able to teach your baby that they are capable of falling asleep independently,” she says. You want your baby to be able to nod off on their own—ideally without nursing, rocking or using a pacifier—because whatever tools they use to fall asleep at bedtime are the same things they’re going to wake up looking for during the night. Yes, this can feel unloving and even downright cruel. You’ll find experts on both sides of the issue: Breastfeeding advocates say it’s normal for babies of all ages to wake up multiple times to nurse, and even the sleep coaches interviewed for this article disagree with how much crying and distress are acceptable.